Food Doofus goes on a diet

This may come as a shock to most of people who know me, but the truth is I am overweight. In fact my good friend Dr. Jeremy Swain would say that I am I obese. Morbidly so in fact. Now before you send Dr. Jeremy hate mail and boycott his clinic, believe me, he's right.
When being told that you are morbidly obese, one of two things can happen. You can run out of the office crying and screaming and hope that it is raining so that no one can see your tears, or you can smile and laugh and generally ignore everything the doctor just told you, dismissing it as crazy talk and the ramblings of an over cautious member of the medical community just trying to bilk another dime out of you. This is essentially what I did. I delighted in being a few pounds to heavy. But saying that I was a little heavy is like saying the Grand Canyon is a little hole. The truth is I am fat. Real fat. And sometime between not being able to bend down and tie my shoes and having to wear sweat pants or basketball shorts everywhere, it hit me like a ton of Jack in the Box tacos that I need to stop eating the same amount of food as an entire West African country. It was time for me to take a long look at myself. It had to be a long look too, because I was too fat, and there is just too much of me to take a short look at.
Diet it is. The problem with diet food it that it all tastes terrible and you can't cook what you like. That is unless you work at a culinary school full of enough lean protein and vegetable to make every sorority girl jealous. My diet includes things like grilled buffalo strip and grilled asparagus, grilled zucchini and pesto with hard boiled eggs, and baked eggs wrapped in bacon and topped with low fat cheese. One thing that I thought would be hard is my Dr Pepper. Lots of water keeps any urges at bay, and I haven't really had a hankering for one. So here we go. Diet food doesn't have to taste like twigs and grass, although I did have something called Green Juice, that was terrible. It tasted like a fresh cut lawn. It's a good think that I don't have to drink that stuff everyday, cuz I just think I would.